what happens when we go back to “normal”?

I've heard a lot of my clients share a similar narrative around the very real changes to our lives that have been a result of the pandemic over the past year. It usually sounds something like this- "Sometimes the choices and decisions I've made in the past 10 months make me feel anxious - everything has been happening in a pressured bubble, so how do I feel comfortable about how my life looks when things go back to normal?"

This narrative comes up when discussing relationships that started or accelerated during the pandemic, when considering career changes, and often when processing major lifestyle shifts, including the way we socialize. I definitely understand this thought process - "will this relationship that has been working so well when I don't have to introduce my partner to my family or friends still work when things go back to normal?" Or, "Is the reason I decided to start exploring pregnancy because I've been lonely, and when things go back to normal I won't want to start a family right now?" And even, "Do I still like the same things? Have my interests changed? What happens when things go back to normal?"

Some of the decisions made over the past year might feel wildly different than what we might have expected, perhaps even risky.

There is no denying that for most of us, our lives are different today than they were last year. For those of us who have experienced loss during the pandemic, our lives might always look different than they did last year.

I want to suggest that although the conditions of the pandemic are different than life before, that doesn't mean that we have been living on pause. Our decisions have not been divorced from our thoughts, feelings, and identities. As we have faced changes, challenges, and choices that previously weren't on our radar, we have been developing. There is growth in change, and if we understand much of 2020 as only a strange blip, and not our lives being lived, then we risk invalidating all of our actual evolution.

When my clients are sharing some of these really valid and relateable thoughts, what I see is a courageous and sometimes even radical reckoning with the challenges life can bring. I see flexibility and adaptability, and a lot of personal and community progress. For most of us, the "normal" that we are looking forward to will not be the same "normal" that we had before the pandemic - we will not be the same, we have grown. While we don't know what choices we might make when COVID-19 management looks different and many of the restrictions we live with now have lifted, we don't need to feel fearful.

What challenges have you faced during the pandemic, and how have you survived them? What might you be proud of when you think about your growth in 2020? What qualities do you and your community have that you might take comfort in when you think about the unknowns of 2021? Did you take any risks? If so, what did you learn?