a sex therapy tool for us all

CW: Sex Therapy and somatic experiences discussed below

Sensate Focus is a sex therapy technique developed by Masters and Johnson in the 1960s. It has since been adapted, and providers conscious of decolonizing sexology have expanded what this practice looks like. 

Put simply, Sensate Focus is a gradual process that connects folks to their sensory experiences and removes pressure from goal-oriented sexuality. There are some foundational ideas in Sensate Focus that are really powerful, and that I have seen translate really well outside of sex therapy. I'd love to share one of these ideas with you all today.

In the first phase of Sensate Focus, folks are encouraged to relieve themselves of any expectation, judgment, or outcome-based feeling by learning how to be with their own bodies and experience their own touch, without sexuality. This looks like 10-15 minutes of time, without distraction, during which a person allows themselves to notice any sensations that occur when they simply allow one hand to touch their bodies - arms, legs, face, stomach. These sensations include feelings such as temperature, texture, and pressure.

When thoughts wander, folks are encouraged to bring their attention back to that feeling of sensation - temperature, texture, and pressure. It is rare that any of us spend this type of time without distraction just with our bodies, and it is very normal for a lot of thoughts and feelings to come up during this time.

What I love about this practice is how much room it allows for awareness of how the physical experiences in our bodies turn into thoughts and behaviors. Something I hear quite a lot when people try this first phase of the practice is that they notice discomfort or difficult thoughts around certain areas of their bodies that have very specific societal expectations. They notice that they are unconsciously moving their hand away from this area, that their thoughts are traveling towards the very self-critical, and that their mood shifts. It requires a lot of effort to return to the experience of the sensation.

This highlights just how often these thoughts, movement away from parts of our bodies, changes in mood, and likely changes in behavior are occurring, all without us realizing what's happening.

What a superpower - the awareness of what's happening for us in our bodies and the skill of practicing non-judgmental presence with ourselves. With a compassionate and curious mindset, we have the opportunity to unlearn and heal.

What might it be like to spend 10 minutes, without expectation, with your body?